You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
