Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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