The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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