My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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