why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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