I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Boobs are out for the taking
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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