I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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