when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
