Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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