U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
