You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
