What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I only lived at night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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