how can u be prego again
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
