Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
