I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
