there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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