Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
