we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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