ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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