I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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