I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
