You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
