shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
that is very illegal...i love you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
