Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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