It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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