i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
