That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
