There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
