My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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