you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
