you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
