SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dignity is for republicans.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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