Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize