Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
