I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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