It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
