Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
