My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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