I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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