Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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