and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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