I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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