wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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