Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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