Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
jump out the window naked night went bad
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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