remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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