got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
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Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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