this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
