we're blogging at a bar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
