Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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