He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
