I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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