I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
