Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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