I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
