Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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