i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
