you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
