so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
