God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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